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My girlfriend is pregnant and I am the father. What do I do?

Looking for wisdom and guidance before making a hasty decision is a good thing!

Of course, you have the option of walking away--but that's not the choice a strong man would make. From this day forward, you are a father, no matter what decision you make.
Although it is true that your girlfriend can make a decision without consulting you, let her know you care and are willing to support her. This will encourage her to trust you so that she will include you in the decision of what is best for the child and for you both!

 

So what are your choices?

You could offer to marry her and then help parent the child by providing for all of the child’s needs until adulthood. It is not always a good idea to rush into marriage just because of a pregnancy as you may not be ready emotionally or financially for this type of commitment. Seek wisdom from your parents, pastors, or other trusted family and friends and carefully consider this option.

You could offer to help support and raise the child if your girlfriend wants to keep the baby. This is an admirable decision as it shows you accept responsibility for the situation and are willing to love and support your child. But often the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and the pocketbook even weaker. Trying to raise a child is both difficult and expensive, and you need to carefully count the cost.

You could encourage or allow your girlfriend to have an abortion. But there are many complications that always result from abortion. Remember, you are a father from this day forward but abortion will simply make you the father of a dead child. Abortion also puts your girlfriend at risk of heavy bleeding, damaged organs, severe (possibly lifelong) depression, and even death. You and your girlfriend might also suffer from severe depression, anxiety and guilt over this preventable loss. Abortion is a costly decision--not only financially, but emotionally, physically, and spiritually for both you and your girlfriend. We urge you not to choose this option!

You could just deny any responsibility for your baby and walk away. But remember, you are still financially responsible for child support until the child is 18 years old and you cannot walk away from that! Beside choosing this option would only reveal a lack of character and you may never be able to hold your head up again.

You could support your girlfriend in her decision to place her baby for adoption. You and your girlfriend would be intimately involved in the process of selecting the adoptive parents and then have the certain knowledge that you have made a loving decision in the best interests of your baby, so that your child will be able to have the wonderful life you would want to provide, but are just not able to give at this time in your life. Our adopting families will forever deeply appreciate you and always honor your memory to their adoptive children telling and retelling them of your love that motivated your noble choice!

Dad...do the right thing, and know that we are here to help you and your girlfriend through this difficult time!


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